I was afraid of not being afraid. Because what if I take of my heavy armed harness to put on my wings, and get shoot on from the sky??!!!
When I was a naive young woman, my censors of the predator where under developed and I would straight walk into a danger zone.
Which causes its scratches and wounds and locked up the sweet, courageous and free spirit in the basement of the back of my mind. Go away, you bring me into trouble!
Now she had shift from the heart to the mind. From spiritual to logical. From intuitive to overthinking.
Let me try to fit in those weird boxes and marche in line. Let me swallow my words and limit my speak. Let me hide myself more and shy away often. Lets put on this misfitting jacket and give it a try..
maybe it will bring safety? a calm mind? Maybe I won’t face any risk and so no failure? Perhaps I will be looked after that way? Maybe I can be human unnoticed? It might brings a sense of inner peace..?
Let me tell you from experience.. worst experiment ever. I rather be a wild woman with scratches than a dimmed flame. Don’t tame your spirit for external validation or to seek peace or safety. peace is in the acceptance. In forgiveness. Safety is found in the courageous act of vulnerability and selflove. Validation is internal. Validation is seeing you, in full expression and authenticity and be fucking proud of it.
With love, Farrieda ( Reflection on 2016/2017 of a silent depression )
